the best Latour litany I don’t think I’ve ever posted

The following comes from classic mining writer Georgius Agricola, in his masterpiece De Re Metallica (1556), translated from the Latin by President Herbert Hoover and his wife (I’m not joking). Agricola is expressing his disdain for those who blame metal for human deaths, since there are so many other ways to kill (“metals don’t kill people, people do”):

“The curses which are uttered against iron, copper, and lead have no weight with prudent and sensible men, because if these metals were done away with, men, as their anger swelled and their fury became unbridled, would assuredly fight like wild beasts with fists, heels, nails, and teeth. They would strike each other with sticks, hit one another with stones, or dash their foes to the ground. Moreover, a man does not kill another with iron alone, but slays by means of poison, starvation, and thirst. He may seize him by the throat and strangle him; he may bury him alive in the ground; he may immerse him in water and suffocate him; he may burn or hang him; so that he can make every element a participant in the death of men. Or finally, a man may be thrown to the wild beasts. Another may be sewn up wholly except his head in a sack, and thus be left to be devoured by worms; or he may be immersed in water until he is torn to pieces by sea-serpents. A man may be boiled in oil; he may be greased, tied with ropes, and left exposed to be stung by flies and hornets; he may be put to death by scourging with rods or beating with cudgels, or struck down by stoning, or flung from a high place. Furthermore, a man may be tortured in more ways than one without the use of metals; as when the executioner burns the groins and armpits of his victim with hot wax; or places a cloth in his mouth gradually, so that when in breathing he draws it back suddenly and violently; or the victims’s hands are fastened behind his back, and he is drawn up little by little with a rope and then let down suddenly. Or similarly, he may be tied to a beam and a heavy stone fastened by a cord to his feet, or finally his limbs may be torn asunder. From these examples we see that it is not metals that are to be condemned, but our vices, such as anger, cruelty, discord, passion for power, avarice, and lust.”