more reflections on the doorman

What I’m feeling about the doorman tonight is not any sense of righteous justice, but one of sadness and utter waste.

True, he shouldn’t be committing felony burglary in our apartments while we’re away. And if it had been my place, along with a sense of outrage at any losses, the worse feeling would probably be the sense that my private living space was no longer safe. When it comes to burglaries (I had one in Annapolis and another in Chicago) that’s generally worse than the actual property loss: the sense of violation. Alaa has to pay a price for that, as he would in any country in the world.

But I also can’t get his image out of my mind: a basically annoying and untrustworthy character, but physically non-threatening, and not without his pleasant moments. He looks to be in his early 20’s, and is now apparently headed for 7 years in a military prison. What a sickening waste of a life. He’s not going to have an easy time either in prison or once he gets out. I see him less as a would-be career criminal and more as someone with a really messed-up ethical compass. There’s no way to spare him a bit of prison time, but what an empty feeling it is to think of him right now. I’d been hoping for his departure for months, but didn’t want it to happen like this.

I’m not sure how I would feel if he were being punished for a break-in at my own place. Would I be angry enough about it that I wished him all that imprisonment? Or would it just make me feel even worse to be the cause of it? At least I don’t have to worry about that issue too, and am reduced to a spectator’s role.