another unprecedented

It also occurs to me that “mostly for Stalker and Easter Bunny” is probably one of those unprecedented phrases in the English language. Can’t imagine ever using it again.

Another one someone said at dinner last night: “me and 200 Catholics.” Also can’t imagine that one coming up again, no matter how long the English language remains in use.

“Smoked picnic and a water product.”

“Yes, did you just speak with my brother about a monocle?”

Which reminds me… B. and T. in Amsterdam were the first people ever to support my idea of getting a monocle! Back when I was most serious about the idea, in around 1993, everyone I consulted said things like “completely insufferable” when asked what they thought of the prospect. I thought that made sense as a reaction, but was always still disappointed.

Let me explain again briefly… My left eye is very good. Vision in my right eye is considerably worse. I’m sure that has something to do with my soccer/football accident as a teenager, though several eye doctors have insisted it could be sheer coincidence (I find it hard to believe them).

The point is this: there’s nothing I love better than being forced, by circumstances, to do something a bit unconventional in any situation. Buying and wearing a monocle, for most people at most times, would be a ridiculously pompous fashion statement. But if you literally have only one eye that needs correction, then you’re the ideal candidate to bring that object back from the dead.

And here’s the weird thing about places that make and sell eyeglasses. They seem to be willing and able to make monocles. They will try to talk you out of it on fashion/eccentricity grounds, but do admit candidly that it can be done, if that’s what you really want sir. But they always try to push the boring solution on you of normal eyeglasses with one corrective lens and one piece of plain old glass.

However, the reaction of the early 1990’s focus groups to the idea of a monocle still bothers me, because I have no time for affected fashion, and if that’s how it would be perceived, then it’s simply not worth it. I thought I could “get away with” it, but if I can’t, I can’t. Maybe once I’m 60 or so, it would be forgiven. Another thing to look forward to in old age.

But T. actually wants a Pickelhaube (one of those pointy German helmets), so no wonder she thinks a monocle is fair fashion game. I never met another woman whose prize possession is a Canadian artillery shell from WWI.